Matt and I met July 4th, 2003 through
mutual friends. We hit it off instantly.
He lived 500 miles away, but that never stopped us. We spent
2 to 3 hours on the phone every night and saw each other every
3-5 weeks. Sometimes with my daughters (6 and 9), sometimes without...
I had met my soul mate. We had so much in common, it was frightening.
We were like the same being. From the 2nd day we were together
he began to plan his move back home...near me. He waited for
his lease on his apartment to end and was able to correlate a
job transfer. I arranged for him to rent a house from a friend
of mine. Everything was panning out. We were so excited, like
a couple of kids to finally be able to SEE eachother everyday.
He had chronic back pain from a ruptured
disc in his lower back... he had gotten steroid injections to
lesson the pain and delay surgery (Oct '03)...they also gave
him Oxycontin...I always knew when he took it, cause he would
tell me something he had told me the day before. He hated that,
and wanted to take it as little as possible. He had began to
wean himself from it since before Christmas. He was on 80 mgs,
but got the doctor to give him 40's (in Dec) and then wanted
to later wean to 20's so that he could slowly stop taking them.
When he tried to stop taking them all together, once before,
he ended up in the ER w/ what was diagnosed as an 'anxiety attack'.
(rapid heart race, trouble breathing) ....so he was weaning from
them. His doctor tried him on Neurotin which seemed to be working,
so he didn't need the Oxy as often, unless he over-did it. He
was very happy about that.
Feb 28th, I had gone up
to SC to move him back here, my best friend came to help. We
had loaded the truck all weekend (up and down stairs), got up
early and were heading back to FL. ...his car blew up...literally...caught
the woods on fire on the side of the road in SC. It was extremely
stressful, and his back was hurting! I suggested he take a xanax
(he had for anxiety) and my friend and I would drive, we had
to leave his car on the side of the road. He took xanax, he chewed
it, like he usually did... would tell me to do that, when I'd
fly to see him (I'm terrified to fly) cause "it works faster."
He took his other daily meds, and he chewed an Oxycontin.....
When we got back to the house he was
moving into, many of his friends were there to help and to celebrate.
He was so happy to be home, he kissed the ground the minute he
got out of the car. He had a few "rum and cokes" as
his friends helped him unload the truck. He went to bed that
night and, I believe that this entire combination took his life.
I spoke to him at 11:59 that night to say g'night and I love
you, and we were so happy to be able to see eachother the next
day and to start our lives together in the same state (neighborhood)...
.I found him the next day, March 1st. He had died in his sleep.
He was 32. Each breath I take now is for him. Matt was
my soul mate, my best friend, my strength.
He wasn't trying to abuse Oxy, he was
trying to cope with a very difficult situation. I question the
warnings that they give patients against chewing and/or drinking
with this medication... I don't mean like a label on a bottle.
Most people I know drink when they are taking some kind of a
medication. I think it should say that you will die as a result.
He was full of life and would have heeded the warnings.
I love you Matt! I will miss you always!
